This, as they say, is a doozy. From the production company that gave us Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy, Raging Sharks, Shark Zone, and the Shark Attack trilogy (with variations like Mega Snake, Octopus, Crocodile, Spiders, and Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep) comes Shark in Venice. With Stephen Baldwin.
Baldwin’s rare appearances in films of note doesn’t spare him from a lot of flack for his usual choice of role, which is understandable when he appears in something like this.
This “horror” film – and the word couldn’t be more misplaced – sees Mr. Baldwin travelling to Venice as archaeological diver and “professor” – again, misplaced – David Franks. He does so because of his father, who recently died while searching for a famous treasure hidden under the Venetian waterways since the time of the Crusades.
When Franks discovers not only the location of the treasure, but that it is guarded by nothing less than psychotic Great White sharks, which now terrorize the peaceable locals, he is approached by Italian mobster Vito Clemenza (Giacomo Gonnella). Franks refuses to recover the treasure for Vito, who duly kidnaps his girlfriend and colleague Laura (Vanessa Johansson).
Can Baldwin resist repeated maulings from the monstrous stock footage to recover the treasure and rescue his love? Are there enough stacks of fruit and veg in the Venetian markets for him to thwart the chasing mobsters? Is this film one of the worst ever made? Well, yes and no.
Shark in Venice Director Danny Lerner and Writer Les Weldon
Danny Lerner has a long-standing relationship with Nu Image, having worked on a majority of their films. This man could well be the original inspiration for Richard Ayoade’s Dean Learner of Darkplace, a show that modelled iteslf on exactly this brand of film-making.
To say this is appallingly directed is moot. From the use of documentary footage for the sharks (accentuated by a few astoundingly bad CG shots, such as an attack on a gondola which gets no reaction from the passing public in the background), to the use of repeated shots and the post-production additions of close-ups of Mr. Baldwin – no doubt to stretch the running time to something reasonable – there’s just no end to the catalogue of mismanagement on the director’s part. He’s so consistent that you could argue it’s intentional, but that’s a very grey area.
With that said, he’s working with a script from Les Weldon that’s well on par for the course and a music score that sounds like the lovechild of the Abyss and Shaft.
Then there’s the editing, which is not usually something a person should notice in a film. Only occasionally does editing stand out as a real contribution to the storytelling, as in Oliver Stone’s Any Given Sunday. However, as an example of editing gone wrong on the scale of Chernobyl please see Shark in Venice.
The ambiguity generated here is, in itself, a source of entertainment. Is there just one shark in the water, or a dozen (something which has prompted the US DVD release to pluralize the title into Sharks in Venice)? Was that Baldwin’s character getting his head chewed on in the last scene? Wasn’t that his severed leg that we just saw? Well, he seems to be fine now.
Shark in Venice Cast
The cast may have been passable if they had no dialogue to speak. As it stands, the porn industry has seen better acting. One imagines.
Stephen Baldwin is unbelievably unconvincing, directed as he is to feign shock at the fact that a chainsaw will indeed cut through wood while doing his very best impression of William Shatner as James T. Kirk. Baldwin’s delivery of such lines as, “Some other beautiful things” and “He’s got a gun!” stand out as particularly hilarious moments, married as they are to the hopeless editing and script.
Scarlett Johansson's sister, Vanessa, is every bit as unconvincing and rigid as the rest of the cast, while Giacomo Gonnella is left to ponder how on earth a person goes from a bit-part role on something as brilliant as the BBC/HBO tv venture of Rome, to this.
Shark in Venice Summary
This film goes straight through the ‘awful’ barrier into realms so ridiculous that you have to either laugh or cry at the result. In this opinion, that result is brilliant – for all the wrong reasons. It’s so bad that in the right company it will have you howling with laughter and if that was the point of it, then it’s job commendably done.
The credits, however, should have acknowledged the fine work of veteran Australian shark experts Ron and Valerie Taylor, as the film surely used several shots from their own extensive footage.
- Producer: Les Weldon
- Director: Danny Lerner
- Screenplay: Les Weldon
- Starring: Stephen Baldwin, Vanessa Johansson, Giacomo Gonnella, Hilda van der Meulen
- Released: 2008 by Nu Image
- Running Time: 84 mins approx
